Author: Jonathon

Sunday Kathy and I went out for some girl bonding. It was only last weekend that Robin and I got to visit, and now more girl time this weekend. I could get used to this. I truly think that I had forgotten how important it is to have girlfriends to talk to. No matter how wonderful my husband and my male friends are, they don’t quite get it. Just as I have to accept, that there are things in the guy world that I’m just not going to get because I’m a girl. That’s not a bad thing, or a good thing, it’s just a thing.

Kathy and I went shopping. I’ve never been very good at shopping. I shop like a guy. I have my list, or my goal. I get in, I get out, I’m done. I do not want to browse. I do not want to take my time. Let’s get going! But yesterday I got it. Kathy and I both acknowledged that it wasn’t the shopping that we were primarily interested in; it was the socilization. It was a chance to talk, just us, without having to worry about kids or husbands, or even other guy friends. Nothing personal to all the very good friends I have that are male, but sometimes you just need an estrogen fix. We did see Charles briefly, when he met us while we were having lunch, so I guess it wasn’t a testosterone free trip, but then that’s okay, too.

(We had a disturbing guy that was paying too much attention to us in the restaurant. Not enough to be trying to pick us up, but just watching us too much. That’s creepier, frankly. I noticed him, told Kathy, but she’d noticed already. When he left the restaurant, he sat in his car, right beside our car for a long time. We both agreed that we would not be going out of the restaurant until he moved. Also, our cars were the only ones in the parking lot. The restaurant wasn’t busy, hmm. I would have just put it down to writing Anita, which makes me a little paranoid, but Kathy had picked up on him, too. Kathy is one of those girlfriends that notices her surroundings, too. It makes me not have to over explain. She just gets it. Maybe it’s years of being married to a policeman, whatever, I can do the short hand explanation and be ready to go. Because sometimes paranoid is just another word for being right. So, I must admit on estrogen bonding day, that the thought that Charles was joining us, was not a bad thought. Let me admit here, that I hate the fact that knowing a guy friend was coming, made me feel better about the situation. It pisses me off. But, I wasn’t carrying on Sunday. It’s a pain in the ass to have a weapon on you when you’re trying on clothes. I figured, how dangerous can it be, going shopping? Yeah, right. But I still hate, a little bit, that I was relieved that Charles was coming. Nothing personal to him, any man to the rescue pisses me off sometimes, but I acknowledge it, even if I don’t like it. But Kathy and I were fine. We’d noticed the man. We had decided on our precautions. He left before Charles even arrived. We were safe because of situational awareness, which is the greatest asset to your personal safety that you have. It’s better than a gun, or training, because situational awareness will keep you from having to use a weapon or try out those martial art’s skills. The best fight, is the one that never happens. Oh, and there are men that I wouldn’t be as happy to see if trouble happens. Some men, like some women, are just one more person to worry about. Again, part of this is me being deep into an Anita book, it screws with my thinking. I’ve said for years, I hope I never get mugged while I’m writing one of these books, because I am not Anita. I do not have her training, and I worry, every once in awhile, that I’ll forget that when it’s important.)

A side note to Shawn, in case he reads this: My hand to God, that if I truly thought it was dangerous, I would have called the police. I would never, ever, endanger your wife. Further more, if I thought it was that big a deal, but not quite to the calling the police phase I would have eaten my pride and either asked Charles to stay, or called you and Jon. I swear.

It was a hi, and buy, trip for Charles, because he was on his way to a family dinner. I think a relative was turning 85, which is pretty cool. But, I had driven the Foose yesterday, which Kathy and I both enjoyed. I love that throaty rumble, and the feel of the car in my hands. There’s only one problem with the Foose for a shopping trip when I don’t know where, exactly, I’m driving. It has no navigation computer. The MDX has one, and I relie on it, a lot. I’m pretty good in the country, but I get lost in the city. Even my own city.

So, Charles drew us a map for the store we were wanting. It was a good map. After he left and we went on our way, Cathy used the map to help me navigate. I suspect that we didn’t quite go far enough down the road we were on. That’s always been a problem for me when I’m going to new places. My nerves fail, and I am convinced I’ve gone too far, when usually I’ve not gone far enough, and if I was just patient and drove a little further we’d be where we need to go, but yesterday it wasn’t about the destination. Kathy and I both agreed, out loud, that even if we didn’t find all the stores we planned to visit, we were okay with that. It gave us longer to talk in the car where we didn’t have to worry about anyone overhearing.

Charles said, when I’d explained the problem earlier, which prompted him to do the map, that, "The Foose wasn’t supposed to be navigated; it was supposed to be driven." Fair enough, and what I’ve learned over the years is that you’re rarely, truly lost. Most of the time you can just turn around, and try again.

Shawn, Kathy, K and F, packed up the car and drove for home, but we were all a little more relaxed then when the weekend started. How many times can you say that about visiting family. Oh, didn’t I mention, that I’m Aunt Laurell to their kids?

Shawn and his wife and kids came down to visit. Shawn and I figured out that our friendship is now old enough to have graduated college and be out on it’s own looking for it’s first job. His wife Kathy, who I’ve been informed I’ve been putting a C, where a K, belongs. I’ve only known her for about ten years. I vow to spell her name correct from this point on. But we have so many Cathys that we know, that some differentiation in e-mails and blogs, maybe necessary like having that room full of Jennifers and Jasons. I’m doing business with the grown up Jennifers these days. I think I’m talking to two assistants and one editor, though I think there’s a fourth one that just started somewhere, but she let’s us call her Jen.

Trinity was pleased that our visitors had kids for her to play with. Since I haven’t talked to Shawn if it’s okay to use his kids real name, I’ll do initials until I check. K is only a little bit older than Trin. F is several years younger. We all did the St. Louis Science Center on Saturday in the morning. We even visited Build a Dino, which is a subset of Build-A-Bear. Afternoon, the kids went off with grandma. They did lot’s of fun stuff including a movie. Charles joined us, for the visit, so much of the visiting was Shawn and he exchanging funny cop and military stories. They both have a gift for retelling an experience and making it even funnier. The adults got to sit around and talk without having to censor what we said for the munchkin brigade. All of you parents out there know what I mean, when I say, that it’s nice to just be able to talk, and not worry that you’re being overheard. Hell, it’s nice to be able to cuss without teaching anyone else your bad habits. No topic off limits, because of gentler ears. It had been a long time since we’d all got to sit around and talk like that. We owe grandma like flowers, or something.

Late in our grownup time, somehow we got on the topic of the movie Real Genius. All four of the other adults were quoting entire sections of dialogue. I had to admit I’d never seen the movie. Charles volunteered to go home and get it. Shawn went with him so that he could have an excuse to ride in the Skyline. Charles has been doing even more work on the car, and the purr of it’s engine is closer and closer to simply being a sophisticated growl. They probably also wanted to talk shop without any of us civilians around. No matter how good we are at talking cop or military when it comes down to it the three of us have never been there, never done that. Not for real. So, they got to go out and do guy bonding, while the three of us continued to talk about everything under the sun.

After the kids went to bed we all stayed up to watch the movie. It was as good as everyone said it was, and I’d forgotten how pretty Val Kilmer was back in the day. He’s still handsome, don’t get me wrong, but he was positively delicate. You don’t see that often in men. The movie came out in 1985, so the movie, like Shawn’s friendship with me is old enough to have graduated college and be employed. But, like all good movies, it holds up, and Jon has ordered a copy so we can own it. It was a good movie to watch as a group, and led us into more discussions about everything. We talked until Shawn had to call it since they were driving back home the next day. Charles went home and Jon and I finally went to bed ourselves at about 4:00. Little sleep, but well worth it.

I woke up at 1:00 AM with a roll of thunder that shook the house. One window shaking thunder roll I could have gone back to sleep after, but not concussion after concussion. It sounded like the damn storm was parked over the house. By 3:00 I was just trying not to toss and turn enough to wake Jon. He was sleeping just fine. I guess it’s fair, the last round of storms woke him. I guess we’re taking turns being on watch. By 4:00 I promised myself that if I was still wide awake at 5:00 I’d get up. I spent the next forty-five minutes planning the quietest way to get dressed and ready to go downstairs. The last fifteen minutes was spent waiting for the clock to hit the hour. Then, finally, it was time. I could get up.

I’m downstairs now. I managed to get dressed without waking Jon, so he can sleep until the alarm goes off. No reason for both of us to watch the sky lighten to blue. I started to write, no reason for both of us to watch dawn stretch across the sky, but that’s not what’s happening. The sky is growing blue, as if the black of night fades to blue. It’s not like night leaves and day comes, but simply the light grows, and color steals back into the world.

The only positive note I can find in all this, is that I have the house to myself. Except for the dogs, who seemed puzzled that it was still dark when I took them outside. Even Phouka seemed more disoriented than normal, and I know it’s not the darkness, since she’s now completely blind. It’s probably the rain from the storm. Darla and I decided a few months back that it washes away scent trails that Phouka must use to find her way around.

I can see the road now. It’s shiny and black, almost liquid with the remains of the storm. The grass and trees are that vivid swimming green that says you’ve either just had a storm, or you’re going to. The sky has skipped blue, and looks white. The world looks washed clean by the storm. Right now, I feel sort of bright-eyed and ahead of the day. Sometime today that feeling will begin to fade like the color of the sky as darkness will find it and begin to suck the color away.
Bright-eyed will turn to bleary-eyed, and my body will wonder where all that sleep I didn’t get has gone. But until then . . . I’m going to eat breakfast and hit the office early.

Glad everyone enjoyed the newest Pod cast. We’ve taken your suggestions into consideration. Votes are in, and the random sticky note off the wall is going to be a permanent part of the "show". The only complaint was that you guys wanted more than one sticky note per show. Greedy.

You also requested that you get news in the next Pod cast that hadn’t first been in the blog. I’m a little puzzled by that request, but I’ll see what I can do. You also wanted to hear us more often, and have a more regular schedule, so you’d know when it was coming. You also wanted a subscription button. Jon and Darla will work on that. Though, honestly I still don’t understand exactly what the button is, or what it does. It isn’t really about subscriptions; not exactly.

My goal is a Pod cast a month. I’ll try and do a news portion that’s different from the blog, but with me doing a blog almost every day, it’s a little hard to know what to talk about. I’ll work on it.

Thanks for everyone who got back to us, and let us know the majority opinion.

I’m listening to My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, "Sex on Wheels". It was one of four songs that made the short list for my choice of ring tones for Jonathon. One of the things that finally drove me to get a new uber techie phone was a desire for personalized ring tones. Shallow, true, but sometimes when you’re afraid of something it’s all about the fun. I’m intimidated by technology, but it was either get a phone that had a calendar, a to do list, the works, or continue to lug around the huge day planner. The one I found that finally worked was like a freaking hardback book. It was heavy and awkward to carry around. Jon and most of the people we work with on both coasts have blackberries, or some other uber tech phone. It takes the place of the huge day planner. I vowed I would learn to use the new phone. First, we went to the store and I chose the phone, not Jon. The mistake we’d made in the past was that Jon would choose something for me, and when we got it home I couldn’t work it. This time I made him not help me at the store at all, on the theory that if I couldn’t work it at the store it was not coming home with me. I am now the proud owner of a Palm Centro. It has a calendar, a to do list, and little alarms to help me remember things. I’ve carried it for several days, and I’m still happy with it. I can still work it. Cool.

Jon has had to help me a couple of times, or explain something that didn’t make intuitive sense to me, but overall it’s my phone. And the day planner can stay on my desk where it belongs.

I came up to the office to write a quick blog, and go to bed. But I had this idea how to fix the scene that had alluded me all day. I was just going to make a few notes; honest. That was an hour and a half ago. Ten pages ago. A finished chapter, ago. Jon’s used to it by now. In fact, when I go back over to the main part of the house, he’ll know exactly what delayed me. He knows by now that there is no such thing as an innocent trip to my office. My imagination is always ready to ambush me. Sometimes on the computer, sometimes in the middle of the night with a frantic search for paper and pen by the bedside. That’s why I keep a notebook and pen on my side of the bed at all times. It helps my spouse be able to sleep through those nocturnal inspirations. I’m off to bed for real this time. I mean it. Besides, I’ve got my ten pages, I can go to bed with a clear conscience.

We have a new pod cast up. Here’s the address so you can link to it. https://www.laurellkhamilton.com/Podcasts/podcast072108.mp3

We did a new format for the pod cast. We answered a few questions off the message board, but we also talked about what we’re doing that’s new. I think of the blog as the what I’m doing new, but apparently a lot of you have requested to hear about it in a pod cast. I don’t really think the dulcet sounds of my voice make the news all that much better, but if you guys do, then okay. We also announced the winners of our latest contest and did other new stuff. We’ll see what you guys think of some of the new format. If more of you like it, then we’ll stick with it. If you guys don’t care, then we’ll go back to just answering questions. Oh, and no loading the voting box. What do I mean by that? Don’t vote if you like, or don’t like something, then come back on line as a different "person", and vote again. One opinion per physical entity please.

I’ve been meaning to mention a new show on CBS that Jon and I have really been enjoying. FLASHPOINT is a new cop drama. It’s the best researched I’ve seen. There are moments of safety and protocol that I’ve never seen done in a fictional police show. Like, when a policeman shoots someone, even if it’s a good shoot, there is always a hearing of some kind. I cheered the moment that the police sniper put his safety clip around a metal piece before he crawled to the edge of the building. So nice to see the effort and the research on the screen. Now, I love crime dramas, and I love them even when it’s more fiction than fact. Hell, I love CSI, even though I know that you could make a drinking game out of how many times they pick up, move, or mess with evidence in a manner that would make it useless in court. But I watch the show faithfully, and just over look those flaws, as you sometimes over look the flaws of those you love. You enjoy their company even if they do have those irritating little habits. So far FLASHPOINT doesn’t have any irritating habits. Though the rookie did something in the second show that was pretty stupid, but I’ll bow to the whole rookie concept. They are doing a nice job of showing that your job, even if you’re on a police tactical unit is to de-escalate the situation, not escalate it.

Twelve pages today. Yea! Jon finished up his double XP weekend on City of Heroes by getting two of his characters to level 20. They both have capes now. Again, yea!

We’ve watched Tivoed television and movies that we missed in the theater because of work. We’ll do a blog later and rate them, though frankly, it’s more about just being able to have the leisure to watch it all, then the quality sometimes. That’s it, I’m off to enjoy the end of our weekend. I hope you guys are having as much fun on yours.

Jon and I got to do a very couple thing today. No, not that. Geez. Jon got to do the guy thing and hide in his cave, by playing on a double XP weekend on City of Heroes. I got to do the girl thing and go out with, my good friend, Robin, and have girl talk at a nice resturant. Sometimes you have to quite fighting the sexist stereotypes and just embrace them. There’s a reason that some things become stereotypes, because there’s a grain of truth to them. Men, periodically, need time to do their hobbies, whatever they are, and have that time to themselves. Women need time to themselves, but what I needed most was that talking time. That talk about everything and anything with one of your friends that you can say anything to. If you’re lucky, as a woman, you have one of those. I’m very lucky, I have two. But only one is a girl, and when you bear your soul, sometimes you want girl feedback and sometimes you want guy feedback. Today was a girl day. Lately, I’m trying to find out what refreshes me. What helps me feed not just my muse, but me. I’ve really tried this week to do different things, other than work. You know what? I feel better.

I think I’ve discovered the mistake in my logic. I keep talking about feeding my muse, and nothing about what feeds me, as a person. I’ve looked at my muse and myself as one in the same, and maybe they’re aren’t. Or, maybe what feeds my muse, and what feeds other parts of me aren’t the same. It’s all about the work. The work is great, and I love it, but as any workaholic will tell you, if they’re honest, you begin to loose yourself. Well, my goal this year is to find me again. To figure out, if I can have a hobby that isn’t research related. To rediscover, what it is that makes me happy, that isn’t just about the writing. I’ve been trying to find things to make the writing work better, easier, faster. I think, today, I realized that I’ve been looking at it backwards. If it’s not just about work, then I have to find things to do that aren’t about work. Scary thought that. But, I think the right one. I’ve made a start this year with the trip to the Keys, and the Foose. But there’s more . . . work to do. See, even relaxing is approached like it’s work, but you know what, that’s okay. Think about it, if I put the kind of effort into having fun that I put into the work, well, God knows. We could end up having a hell of a lot of fun.

Today was the first day that I got that endorphin rush from the writing since I sat back down to the new Anita book being the priority project. It felt pretty darn good. In fact, by lunch I had twelve pages and was done for the day. Very cool. In honor of it being summer, and me being done so early, we went out to lunch, then a movie. Trinity, Mary, and I, had wanted to see Mama Mia, and neither of our husbands were keen on it. So it was a girl’s afternoon at the movies. I mean that girl’s part because there were like three men in the entire theatre. It was pretty full, too. One young man with his girlfriend, and a couple of older husbands. I guess all the rest of the men were in seeing The Dark Knight. I think Jon and I are going to wait for a few days. The crowds look pretty serious.

Mama Mia was very fun. Meryl Streep was great. In fact, pretty much everyone was great. There are some huge dance numbers that are entirely too much fun. I haven’t this much beef cake in a movie that could dance, act, and have fun in a long time. The casting for the father’s was spot on. Pierce Brosnon was especially good. I didn’t know he could sing. I admit that there were moments when I felt I had too much testosterone for this movie. It is a woman’s movie, but it’s not a chick flick. By that I mean, a lot of supposedly chick flicks leave me cold. I just don’t get them. How to Make an American Quilt, left me puzzled. I usually feel that way about those kinds of movies, but Mama Mia was actually enjoyable all the way through. It’s interesting, what kinds of movies are marketed for women and men. I guess there’s no better example than Mama Mia and The Dark Knight. Like I said, I haven’t seen that one, yet, but even though I enjoyed the movie today, I was still a little puzzled. Not much, but a little. As much as I love my husband, and apparently, enjoy being married, since I’ve done it twice; I still don’t believe that the end all, be all for a woman is finding that perfect man and "getting" him to marry her. First of all, there is no perfect man, just as there’s no perfect woman. But, in this movie Meryl Streep’s character has done well on her own. She’s operated her own business, raised a daughter, and she’s doing okay. She’s not wasting away for anyone. I liked that.

Another interesting thing is the daughter, Sophie’s, desire to find her dad. Her belief that somehow that will make her life complete. I met my own biological dad three times. The last time I saw him, I was six, and it was my mother’s funeral. He had no part in my life then, or since, and I haven’t missed him. I’ve never felt the lack of a father. I felt the lack of my mother, because I knew and loved her, but my "father" was just some guy who married my mother, fathered a child with her, and then divorced her. Other than the genetic material, my father had very little impact on my life. We probably wouldn’t know each other if we passed on the street. My life is complete, I don’t need to find the owner of the ejaculation that helped make me. That’s almost a direct quote from the movie, the main character says, that she won’t be displaced, or outdone by an ejaculation, when the "fathers" show up. The story book ending, is just that story book. In real life, the long lost father is usually better long and lost. If you have the feeling that you’ve misplaced a part of yourself, then by all means go searching, but I find that fathers, mothers, that perfect job, that perfect house, whatever you think will fill up that empty space inside you, it’s not about anything outside yourself, it’s all about the inside part. You’ve got to fix what’s inside, before the outside world can help. You want to find what’s missing, look in the mirror.